Caray, Caray!

Recappers Roll Call:

 

Eli (Oh, the fuckery!)

Sara (Just the facts, Ma’am!)

Diva (I’ll bust your gut!)

Lila (I’m new!)

 

If you’re wondering ‘bout the story arc

And literary stuff

Just repeat to yourself, “It’s just a show,

Learning Spanish is quite enough. . .”

For La-Toodle-oo’s Whack’d Novela, La Gata!  Twaaaang!

Okay.  So anytime y’all feel like fighting, pissin’ and moanin’ over this novela the way some of us were doing this weekend, come back and read this, our credo, and, if need be, refresh your self on the melody (just Google MST3K theme song) and SING IT!

 

On with the show!

 

We return to El Sil’s living room where Pablo is holding both the babies and singing the praises of Esme.  Oh, he’s going to wait for her until she returns to him with that beautiful smile.  He’s a hopeless romantic.  Jarocha and El Sil rejoice to see him asi.  Pablo invites him to the masquerade party at the Instituto.  Pablo doesn’t think he’s going to wear a disguise, El Sil doesn’t like them either:  they’re only for people who have something to hide or are cowards.

 

Or are crazy.  Gisela’s hanging out with the perpetually turd-passing Augustin (at least that’s the way his voice sounds).  Augie owes her a load of gratitude:  She ordered Diogenes to clean out the warehouse after hearing that Augie was being held for the suspected kidnapping of Fela.  Nice call, Diva!  Gisela does her usual smug mugging and Augie looks at her with quiet admiration. . . .or like he’s relieved of constipation. 

 

Gisela gets a call from her embedded stooge within the Instituto.   The maldita gata is within her grasp, blah, blah, blippety-blah.

 

At the town dump, Rita shows her BF Esme’s old keepsakes.  There are letters between El Sil and Blanca.  In one of them she talks about being stalked by a nut case who is obsessed with her!   And there is a deed to some property.  BF suggests they not invade El Sil’s privacy any further and get the letters and document to him right away!  Dang.  That kinda makes sense!

 

Back at El Sil’s Jarocha is worried about Esme.  El Sil lets her in on the secret transfer of all his loot to Damian.  Esme, the babies and the basurero crew will all be taken care of.  Jarocha grins.  She’s happy!

 

Pablo’ sappy too!  Yeah, I meant sappy!  All he wants to do is be happy and see those around him happy he beams to Mariano.  Esme loves him, she’s going to fight for his love and Sr. Mendez wants him to paint another mural!  He doesn’t give a toot about the contract:  he likes to paint in the street and by gum he’s going to paint in the street!  Gisela’s commission be damned!  Mariano reminds him it’s not a commission she’s after but the ruination of his life!

 

Gisela calls Esme at the Instituto to taunt, insult and threaten her all while smiling brilliantly and Esme listens to every word.  You know, stuff like you pitiful crippled idiot, I’m effin’ yo’ man, we’re living together, stuff like that.  Esme remains so calm, you’d think she called in to a “thought for the day” Bible verses for shut-ins 800 line.  Gisela knows all about the masquerade party and mocks her for trying to act like an aristocrat instead of the alley cat she is.  How does Gisela know about the party?  This question opens the door for Gisela to shovel more shit in Esme’s face:  You dummy, Pablo told me.  Esme finally hangs up.

 

Sitting in the dayroom at the Instituto, Esme tells her friend about Gisela’s obsession with Pablo.  In the background a lady custodian studiously dusts lattice work pieces of art (with more space than surface so how dusty can they be?) as they talk.  Esme thinks someone must be passing information on to Gisela.  Cleaning lady turns around and flashes a shit-eating grin right on cue.  Esme doesn’t smile back.  Oh, you don’t think it’s Dona Fidelia do you? goes Esme.  Why Dona Fidelia is the best thing since sliced bread! says her friend.

 

Of course Dona Fidelia goes straight to the phone to spill her guts to Gisela.  Fidelia readily takes orders to find out everything she can about Esme’s friend.

 

Rita and BF turn the document and letters over to El Sil who is gob smacked and grateful!  He remembers every one of these letters and the deed proves Augie’s dirty dealings.  He will talk to Osorio and Damian and the document will show who is lying, him or Augie!

 

Let’s go ahead and get the full scoop on El Sil and Blanca so we can get to the par-taaay!  Over the next several days Augie reads the love letters to Blanca.  She avoids his gaze and stares blankly ahead or regards her dolly with dopey devotion.  He persists, she’s unmoved.  He’s going to be patient, she ignores him, staring expressionless into the distance.  He takes her to the dump, shows her a picture of herself when she was distinguished:  desired by men, envied by women.  She clings to dolly and her fish-eyed stare. 

 

Everyday El Sil keeps reading letters to an indifferent Blanca.  Letters about his separation from her for 20 years.  There are flashbacks of loca wife and daughter living in trash.  He laments missing Esme’s early years and milestones.  Now he has nothing.  Ya no puedo mas, He cries!   All he has now is a broken family and a desire for vengeance that can’t be satisfied.   El Sil cries, head in his hands.  A delicate hand reaches up and touches his face.  He raises his head to see Blanca look at him.  He kisses her hand.

 

Later El Sil is feeding Blanca while she feeds the doll.   She’s got to remember!  If justice fails him again, he will take matters into his own hands and Augie will pay for all the harm he has done to him and his loved ones!

 

Okay, enough syrupy sentimentality, on with the satanic!  Gisela meets with Augie.  Just read any part of any of our recaps when the two of them talk.  There ya go.

 

Virginia, Esme and Esme’s friend talk girly talk and get ready for the big masquerade ball.

 

Back at El Sil’s, Pablo is all dressed up as a . . .a gladiator?  No, he’s supposed to be Hercules.  Umph.  El Sil is staying home with Fela.  Jarocha gives Pablo a wolf whistle; he poses like he thinks he’s got it going on.  Whatever.

 

Oh, here we are at the Instituto social event of the year:  The masquerade ball!  Even in the glare the harsh institutional fluorescent lighting, Pablo mistakes two other women in MANUAL chairs for Esmeralda!  Stupid sonova. . .!  Esme glides in smoothly in her Harley Davidson MOTORIZED wheelchair and saves Pablo from further embarrassment.  She wants a kee-uss.  He obliges.

 

Carlos and Virginia look dashing and beautiful, smiling at each other.  Lo enters and there follows a too-long scene of her aggressively berating and insulting Carlos.  It is quite nasty.

 

Okay y’all.  I’m sorry.  Ain’t no need dragging this out like it was riveting and suspenseful.  Here’s how it goes down. 

 

Gisela saunters in to the ball with the exact same “disguise” as Esme.  The openings for the eyes are rather large, as is that for the mouth.  In short, if hiding the identity is the goal, it’s a big, fat, FAIL!  Gisela stands by the refreshment table and openly puts many drops of a liquid into the orange punch.  She is in full view of Pablo and Esme, they don’t even look you know cause they’re so in luuuuurve!  Gisela serves them drinks.   Duh oh!  They didn’t know the disguises would be repeated.  Of course, they don’t recognize her.  Gisela stands back cursing at them drink, drink gotdammit!  (Formerly Hot, Now Creepy) Doc comes up in a ridiculous costume, what is it?  I don’t know some bright blue thing with a white circle on the chest and little wings on his head and a shield that looks like he stole it from Target.   Creepy Doc hears her voice and keeps asking who Gisela is, she refuses to answer.   Hot PT in full black-spotted cow regalia comes up and flirts with Gisela.  She finally speaks.  Creepy Doc finally recognizes her voice!  He doesn’t know from where but doesn’t like it!   After several minutes he’s got it and declares they must get her the hell outta there!

 

Oh the bumble bees, teddy bears and bunny rabbits and leopards are getting down on two feet and on two wheels!  WHOO HOO!  Pablo’s feeling the heat and downs the spiked punch – glub, glub, glub, buuuurb!  Gisela looks on with pleasure.

 

There is a brief scene of Garabato with Mariano who wants to know where Tony and Centavito are.  Class starts tomorrow!  Insert self-pitying lines uttered by the poor who refuse a hand up from the generous wealthy who don’t understand their struggles in life and the exasperation and helplessness felt by the more fortunate as they witness another generation born into ignorance and squalor.  Ines and Aguacata bond in the open air of the prison yard after considering the bleak future of her contribution to afore-mentioned next generation.  (Hey, isn’t this the girl that slapped the shit out of Ines the first time she met her?  Oh, ok, Ines likes slapping.  I forgot.)

 

Back to the party.

 

So Pablo is in the bathroom feeling all weird and woozy. Ok weirder and woozier than usual.  Gisela comes into the bathroom.  Stupid bastard thinks Gisela is Esmeralda.  He leaves the bathroom with her.

 

Captain America and the Cow notice that Pablo is missing and so is Gisela.  Oh my gosh, Pablo’s off cheating on Esme says Creepy Doc hopefully!

 

Gisela leads Pablo to where, one of the bedrooms in the Instituto?!  He falls heavily on a bed and she falls on top of him.  Oooo, I don’t call her G-spot for nothing:  She wants to get funky with Pablo/Hercules right now!   Pablo, Pablo!  Dangit!  He’s gone all unconscious and limp on her!   Never a girl without a plan, Gisela gives us one of her signature slimy smiles as a better idea darkens her sick mind.

 

No pun intended but this is a lame-assed party!  Esme has finally missed Pablo.  Creepy Doc announces the stunning news that Gisela is there at the party with a costume identical to Esmes!  NOOOO!  Are you sure that’s her?  Oh yes, and Esme remembers Pablo began to feel sick.

 

Lo and Esme go and pound on a door.  Seriously.  Is this the Institute or did they go somewhere else, like Pablo’s apartment because I didn’t see any evidence of them traveling and they got there like, in a blink of an eye!  Okay, I guess it’s Pablo’s apartment because Mariano has keys and I’m sure he wouldn’t have keys to a room in the Instituto.

 

In short, Mariano goes in, finds Pablo and G-spot nekkid and in the bed, conked out like, well, you know.  Bitch gets indignant, all what you doin’ in here!  Get out you rapist!  She smiles when Esme rolls into the room.  Back with this mess later.

 

Okay.  I have no idea when this happened in relationship to the party.  A minute ago Centavito was there cuttin’ a rug with Virginia and now he walks up on Dorila in Rita’s shack overhearing Dorila asking Rita if that “starving to death Centavito” is the baby that she was forced to give up years ago.  Okay.  Chew on that.

 

Back to crazy and nekkid-assed Gisela who’s got the nerve to ask what Mariano, Lo and Esme are doing there.  Pablo is her mate, Esme is nothing.  Lo runs to Pablo and thank goodness Lo and Esme knows that Gisela is lying, that Pablo doesn’t drink and she has drugged him.  In a long overdue but not satisfying outburst, Esme lunges forward in her chair and Gisela falls back on the bed, clutching the bed sheet.  Esme yells that she doesn’t believe Gisela, to leave them alone, to leave them in peace, enough already!

 

I am saved by the rising Televisa sun!